I have a very interesting family. I am one of 2 girls from my mother and father.
I have 3 more sisters with my father's second wife. Who are my sisters, and we are close :)
My sister and I have lived with my mother our entire life! Who loves God with all her heart!
My parents have been divorced since I was 8 or 9 years old. Blessed, God kept me in the church from 4 years old on and became my Heavenly Father. Still today He is, and He has never stopped, nor have I stopped following Him.
When I grew up I was quiet, friendly, and pretty much a "Goody Two Shoes" the one time I got in trouble is getting gum stuck in my hair and my teacher told me not to cut it out, but did I, yes I did. My name was written on the board!
As I grew up, I had to get back surgery cause of scoliosis, etc. During all these years of growing up, my mother was there for me through everything, my dad too, but he was there more financially than emotionally or our relationship was based off of phone calls, check ins, etc. Not a true relationship which is always what I longed for.
So in middle school I was out of school for a month the first year, came back with a soccer bowl cut, I came back taller. LOL!
Then I had some friends for sure, but not really a ton of friends! I definitely wanted youth group and I loved it! I loved church, Missionettes, and being in church! Church has been my family all my life!
Then as I went through Sophomore year some of my friends went a different path, doing drugs, drinking, and I knew I wasn't even going to touch that stuff, so I stayed friends as long as I could, but then when they brought it to the church and it became their life, I cut off their friendships. Which let me say was not the popular thing, they would look at me in the cafeteria, rude, hated that I told the youth leadership about them and what was happening. But I had to do it.
Luckily I had tennis to keep me going, and a great mentor at church to help me through it! I remember my Senior year they nominated me Senior Class Airhead, haha, I didn't win that award, but it's funny still cause people were like who nominated you that, and yep, it was those friends that didn't like me too much! Haha!
As I went through these things, they were tough, I didn't have a lot of friends. So really it was me trusting in God, my social life was church, and that was that! God had me. I never once have smoked or drank in my entire life. For many reasons, perhaps because of Alcoholism that runs in my family. Perhaps cause God has given me strong convictions about those things. Perhaps I've seen enough bad things come from those things that I am ok with my coffee, water, pop, and being crazy without anything!
As I came into my last year of high school I had a close group of friends that some drama, specifically boy drama broke out, and I remember just being like DUDE I NEED TO GET AWAY AND START FRESH! HA! So I applied to two universities and got accepted to one! Praise God, cause my GPA isn't stellar!
So North Central University beckoned me. Filling out the application was like a DTR with God and reflecting on where He's brought me from, and out of! Good stuff!
Well the July before I left, my dad and stepmom separated, and that was INTERESTING. I just remember being like, whew, I'm glad to be a distance away. My sister had to deal with more of the rough changes.
Then in August my mom's best friend's brother Mark committed suicide, so my mom couldn't take me to college, so it's me and my dad going to a religious school (he isn't a believer YET haha) not to mention that guy was like my uncle, and a strong christian so whew, that was interesting! I also someone else very close to my family commit suicide when I was a junior in high school, so I'd seen two people that I loved do that, but God gave me strength to keep going for sure!
So I get to North Central and it's a complete fresh start, I know no one, and I'm surrounded by people who love God! Whew! It WAS AMAZING! 4 years in a university where I developed as a leader, strengthened my faith system, built a foundation. Not only that, I gained so many friends, even my best friends that became like family! We all are sold out to God's calling and we were there for each other and we all depended on God! Best thing ever!
So in my 4 years my stepmom and dad went back and forth, separated, not, blah. Then my Junior Year, I was sitting in Overflow, a coffee shop, studying for an important test, when I got this call from my dad, telling me he had another child outside of his marriage. Who was 6 months old at the time. Whew, well to say the least I cried, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't shocked that this was happening but, it was news especially 15 months later. Whew, I was so blessed to have my friends Becca & Kimmy with me! They seriously at points kept me in check, prayed with me, ah, friends are dear to have!
Then throughout all my years as a child with multiple parents, etc. I got VENTED to ALL THE TIME! Where my dad, my stepmom, my mom, people would tell me things, haha HENCE SOCIAL WORK! But I never knew I could say no, or establish these things called BOUNDARIES! Oh and it took me a few more years to still know what those were!
Then my senior year of college came, 18 credits each semester, 18-20 hours a week at my internship at Salvation Army Harbor Light with the homeless men residing in the shelter, and working part time at Target downtown Minneapolis. I also had a car that I bought SO THAT WAS AWESOME. Because me, I use it as a stress reliever to go drive, listen to music, ah, peace! LOL!
But anyways January of my senior year, my dad and stepmom officially got divorced via court, well that's just on paper, if you catch my drift. Ah! God is in control, that's all I could say and still say even now! So my graduation was awesome! I WAS GLAD TO BE DONE WITH A CRAZY YEAR! But I would miss all my friends, as we went to Minnesota, Alaska, Nebraska, Wisconsin, and all over! While I went back to be a Supervisor at my summer job! My stepmom and 3 sisters did not come to my graduation party, they did not get me a gift, they did not come to my graduation, and so it was a change, a BIG CHANGE!
My dear friends Becca & Kimmy!
But I graduated and it was AWESOME! My supportive great grandma, grandma, great aunt, mom, sister, dad, grampa, and a lot of people came to support me! I loved it! It was so fun to celebrate with them :)
Then off to Illinois I went! To be a supervisor at Kodak, run a ministry where each month a band put together a worship and prayer night, and Social Justice class, obviously I didn't have much time for hunting for Social Work jobs! Haha!
It was a busy summer, not to mention, moving back in to my childhood home after living in an apartment in a city for a year, and in the suburbs of Illinois, it was A SWITCH! I was busy a lot for sure, but not meeting as many new people, working at the same place, new management, interesting leadership compared to North Central University! Haha! It was interesting! But it was good, a challenge.
The whole summer I would hear things and venting FROM my dad, mom, and stepmom. With my dad I finally got fed up, and one time, he told me my mom could not be a functional part of society. Wow, that was a good descriptor of the woman who worked for a bus company, raised two kids who one is a college graduate and the other one beginning her degree, and both being on a good path. Whew. So I may have said to him, well she had to be a parent, live with her kids, and raise them. I didn't need to tell him anything more, he knew what I meant.
But there is a lot of that stuff that has brought terrible situations, broken relationships, and DESTRUCTION. People who get away with things, keep running the same track record, consequences are no fun, but they help us learn what we did wrong.
We had an argument but it ended where he could vent still. So I started going through counseling, because I have to deal with this, I'm not leaving in August! So I met up with my dad, at his work, gave him a few choices, I told him I want a relationship with him, a Bears game, meet up, whatever, talk on the phone less, and not talk about his problems all the time, or he can't vent to me like that constantly! Well, his response went right back to his problems, and I'm standing there, tearing up, telling him, my sisters and I need more than a phone call, thats not a relationship. He stood there cold, didn't give me a hug, and he went back to what I just had talked to him about.
I prayed to God before I went to meet him up that He would lead me what to do, because I love my dad, and I want a relationship with him, but at this point, there's nothing.
So his response kind of confirmed things, that I had to pause, or put on hold our relationship until maybe he thought through or understood what I had just said to him. I told him I loved him, but I can't do this, I want to have a relationship but we can't. He couldn't respect me or try to. So his response to that was TO STORM OFF into his store, without saying a word to me, probably anger.
For me, HUGE REJECTION. God why did he not even give me a hug, he didn't care, he stormed off?
God told me then I am your Father, I love you, and I will take care of you, so I kind of ran off in my car because he was really angry so I didn't want to wait around for that to come back.
So as I drove off, sobbing, thinking God why, I did not want that to happen at all. But God said this is what I want you to do, trust in me, I will hold your heart, I'm sorry your dad rejected your heart, but I have it, and you can trust me. Obviously at this point I knew my own earthly father could not be entrusted with my heart. Which was different. And hard. But God held me and is holding me now. My dad and I are not talking, he actually showed up to my work after our meeting, and tried to call me, but my boundaries are we aren't talking, so it's a direct blow of respecting my boundaries. And also he is very verbally abusive at points and we would get into fights and then right after he calls, texts, tries to fix it, but this time was different, I was serious. But he shows up to my work with my little sisters, kind of cornering me where I can't go anywhere, and tries to talk to me! Obviously this was a fresh wound, and he tried to corner me, I acknowledged him, talked to my sisters, but wasn't very friendly towards him, so right after that he texts me and says get off my phone plan tomorrow. Interesting.
Since then he's texted me saying he hates these boundaries and he wants to talk, ha I am not ready to talk yet. So I responded and said dad, I love you, but now is not the time to talk. So after that he left me alone for 2 weeks which was awesome, cause that's showing respect. Then he tries to follow through with reading my resume and stuff like a year ago and contacts people finally and tries to get me to talk to him for a job ordeal thing, he doesn't even know what I'm doing, and I know he's just doing it to get around the boundary and using something that is pretty relevant to me right now, so he tried to text, call me, blah. So I finally called him after I got back from a vacation and said the boundary right now is we are not talking and so this is disrespecting my boundary, so please do not call me. He didn't argue, and he said have a good day. So I think he knows I'm serious! Haha!
I am, believe me, the last thing I wanted this to come to is this. But God is showing me what respect looks like as well as maybe showing my dad what respecting a daughter looks like when he has several. So as the first child, this has been an interesting experience, and HARD!
I miss talking with my dad, but the thing was, we didn't really have a relationship we had quick phone calls, bare minimum. So it was heartbreaking, but God filled that void, and I think He wants me to fill all the voids I have with Him, and so this was one of the steps I had to take.
So it just goes to show, God asks us to do hard things, even things we probably would have never thought of doing. Ah so as I sit here, my life has been drama less, I see my 3 sisters, no one vents to me, besides bits and pieces from my mother, but my boundaries have made my life livable haha!
It's an adjustment, it makes my life boring, which is healthy actually, I'm just so used to hearing everyone vent that it is an adjustment! But God's holding me and teaching me a lot. I'm doing ministry at my church, Operation Christmas Child and Operation Give Thanks! Using Social Work in Social Justice Sunday School Class.
I'm about to finish my last season at Kodak and Six Flags EVER!!! I'm ready! Haha! I think 5 summers there is quite enough! And I just got my next job at Target! I'm in the process of applying for a Masters in Social Work at UIC, and looking for Social Worky jobs if ya'll have any hints! Haha! It'd be helpful!
My life right now is me and God, and it's good, it's relaxing, and different, but He's teaching me a lot!
My life is a testimony if you give every single thing to God, He will bless you, and He will take the things away that hinder your life, the life He wants you to live!
As I stand here, graduated, working on my career stuff, working, ministry, and finding new friends, I am excited and praying about where God's about to take me, cause it's going to be a BIG SURPRISE! LOL!
I want to leave you with a verse! 2 actually!
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
1 Peter 2:9
"But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
~ Romans 5:3-5
Just remember this, God has a plan for your life in the midst of mess. He also will empower you to do things you can't do, He is your strength. Stripping off the things that hold you back may hurt, but in the end, it will produce character, hope, perseverance! With God, all things are possible!
God's got you, NEVER FORGET IT :D
