God Mending Brokenness

Well here I am sharing a little bit of my personal story!

I have a very interesting family.  I am one of 2 girls from my mother and father.







I have 3 more sisters with my father's second wife.  Who are my sisters, and we are close :)



My sister and I have lived with my mother our entire life! Who loves God with all her heart!

My parents have been divorced since I was 8 or 9 years old.  Blessed, God kept me in the church from 4 years old on and became my Heavenly Father.  Still today He is, and He has never stopped, nor have I stopped following Him.


When I grew up I was quiet, friendly, and pretty much a "Goody Two Shoes" the one time I got in trouble is getting gum stuck in my hair and my teacher told me not to cut it out, but did I, yes I did.  My name was written on the board!



As I grew up, I had to get back surgery cause of scoliosis, etc.  During all these years of growing up, my mother was there for me through everything, my dad too, but he was there more financially than emotionally or our relationship was based off of phone calls, check ins, etc.  Not a true relationship which is always what I longed for.

So in middle school I was out of school for a month the first year, came back with a soccer bowl cut, I came back taller.  LOL!

Then I had some friends for sure, but not really a ton of friends! I definitely wanted youth group and I loved it! I loved church, Missionettes, and being in church! Church has been my family all my life!

Then as I went through Sophomore year some of my friends went a different path, doing drugs, drinking, and I knew I wasn't even going to touch that stuff, so I stayed friends as long as I could, but then when they brought it to the church and it became their life, I cut off their friendships.  Which let me say was not the popular thing, they would look at me in the cafeteria, rude, hated that I told the youth leadership about them and what was happening.  But I had to do it.

Luckily I had tennis to keep me going, and a great mentor at church to help me through it!  I remember my Senior year they nominated me Senior Class Airhead, haha, I didn't win that award, but it's funny still cause people were like who nominated you that, and yep, it was those friends that didn't like me too much! Haha!

As I went through these things, they were tough, I didn't have a lot of friends. So really it was me trusting in God, my social life was church, and that was that! God had me.  I never once have smoked or drank in my entire life.  For many reasons, perhaps because of Alcoholism that runs in my family.  Perhaps cause God has given me strong convictions about those things. Perhaps I've seen enough bad things come from those things that I am ok with my coffee, water, pop, and being crazy without anything!

As I came into my last year of high school I had a close group of friends that some drama, specifically boy drama broke out, and I remember just being like DUDE I NEED TO GET AWAY AND START FRESH! HA! So I applied to two universities and got accepted to one! Praise God, cause my GPA isn't stellar!

So North Central University beckoned me.  Filling out the application was like a DTR with God and reflecting on where He's brought me from, and out of! Good stuff!

Well the July before I left, my dad and stepmom separated, and that was INTERESTING.  I just remember being like, whew, I'm glad to be a distance away.  My sister had to deal with more of the rough changes.

Then in August my mom's best friend's brother Mark committed suicide, so my mom couldn't take me to college, so it's me and my dad going to a religious school (he isn't a believer YET haha) not to mention that guy was like my uncle, and a strong christian so whew, that was interesting!  I also someone else very close to my family commit suicide when I was a junior in high school, so I'd seen two people that I loved do that, but God gave me strength to keep going for sure!

So I get to North Central and it's a complete fresh start, I know no one, and I'm surrounded by people who love God! Whew! It WAS AMAZING! 4 years in a university where I developed as a leader, strengthened my faith system, built a foundation.  Not only that, I gained so many friends, even my best friends that became like family! We all are sold out to God's calling and we were there for each other and we all depended on God! Best thing ever!



So in my 4 years my stepmom and dad went back and forth, separated, not, blah. Then my Junior Year, I was sitting in Overflow, a coffee shop, studying for an important test, when I got this call from my dad, telling me he had another child outside of his marriage.  Who was 6 months old at the time.  Whew, well to say the least I cried, I didn't know what to do.  I wasn't shocked that this was happening but, it was news especially 15 months later.  Whew, I was so blessed to have my friends Becca & Kimmy with me!  They seriously at points kept me in check, prayed with me, ah, friends are dear to have!

Then throughout all my years as a child with multiple parents, etc. I got VENTED to ALL THE TIME! Where my dad, my stepmom, my mom, people would tell me things, haha HENCE SOCIAL WORK!  But I never knew I could say no, or establish these things called BOUNDARIES! Oh and it took me a few more years to still know what those were!

Then my senior year of college came, 18 credits each semester, 18-20 hours a week at my internship at Salvation Army Harbor Light with the homeless men residing in the shelter, and working part time at Target downtown Minneapolis.  I also had a car that I bought SO THAT WAS AWESOME. Because me, I use it as a stress reliever to go drive, listen to music, ah, peace! LOL!

But anyways January of my senior year, my dad and stepmom officially got divorced via court, well that's just on paper, if you catch my drift.  Ah! God is in control, that's all I could say and still say even now!  So my graduation was awesome! I WAS GLAD TO BE DONE WITH A CRAZY YEAR! But I would miss all my friends, as we went to Minnesota, Alaska, Nebraska, Wisconsin, and all over! While I went back to be a Supervisor at my summer job! My stepmom and 3 sisters did not come to my graduation party, they did not get me a gift, they did not come to my graduation, and so it was a change, a BIG CHANGE!


My dear friends Becca & Kimmy!

But I graduated and it was AWESOME! My supportive great grandma, grandma, great aunt, mom, sister, dad, grampa, and a lot of people came to support me! I loved it! It was so fun to celebrate with them :)



Then off to Illinois I went! To be a supervisor at Kodak, run a ministry where each month a band put together a worship and prayer night, and Social Justice class, obviously I didn't have much time for hunting for Social Work jobs! Haha!



It was a busy summer, not to mention, moving back in to my childhood home after living in an apartment in a city for a year, and in the suburbs of Illinois, it was A SWITCH! I was busy a lot for sure, but not meeting as many new people, working at the same place, new management, interesting leadership compared to North Central University!  Haha! It was interesting! But it was good, a challenge.

The whole summer I would hear things and venting FROM my dad, mom, and stepmom.  With my dad I finally got fed up, and one time, he told me my mom could not be a functional part of society.  Wow, that was a good descriptor of the woman who worked for a bus company, raised two kids who one is a college graduate and the other one beginning her degree, and both being on a good path.  Whew.  So I may have said to him, well she had to be a parent, live with her kids, and raise them.  I didn't need to tell him anything more, he knew what I meant.

But there is a lot of that stuff that has brought terrible situations, broken relationships, and DESTRUCTION. People who get away with things, keep running the same track record, consequences are no fun, but they help us learn what we did wrong.

We had an argument but it ended where he could vent still.  So I started going through counseling, because I have to deal with this, I'm not leaving in August! So I met up with my dad, at his work, gave him a few choices, I told him I want a relationship with him, a Bears game, meet up, whatever, talk on the phone less, and not talk about his problems all the time, or he can't vent to me like that constantly! Well, his response went right back to his problems, and I'm standing there, tearing up, telling him, my sisters and I need more than a phone call, thats not a relationship.  He stood there cold, didn't give me a hug, and he went back to what I just had talked to him about.

I prayed to God before I went to meet him up that He would lead me what to do, because I love my dad, and I want a relationship with him, but at this point, there's nothing.



So his response kind of confirmed things, that I had to pause, or put on hold our relationship until maybe he thought through or understood what I had just said to him.  I told him I loved him, but I can't do this, I want to have a relationship but we can't.  He couldn't respect me or try to.  So his response to that was TO STORM OFF into his store, without saying a word to me, probably anger.

For me, HUGE REJECTION. God why did he not even give me a hug, he didn't care, he stormed off?

God told me then I am your Father, I love you, and I will take care of you, so I kind of ran off in my car because he was really angry so I didn't want to wait around for that to come back.



So as I drove off, sobbing, thinking God why, I did not want that to happen at all. But God said this is what I want you to do, trust in me, I will hold your heart, I'm sorry your dad rejected your heart, but I have it, and you can trust me.  Obviously at this point I knew my own earthly father could not be entrusted with my heart.  Which was different.  And hard.

But God held me and is holding me now.  My dad and I are not talking, he actually showed up to my work after our meeting, and tried to call me, but my boundaries are we aren't talking, so it's a direct blow of respecting my boundaries.  And also he is very verbally abusive at points and we would get into fights and then right after he calls, texts, tries to fix it, but this time was different, I was serious.  But he shows up to my work with my little sisters, kind of cornering me where I can't go anywhere, and tries to talk to me! Obviously this was a fresh wound, and he tried to corner me, I acknowledged him, talked to my sisters, but wasn't very friendly towards him, so right after that he texts me and says get off my phone plan tomorrow. Interesting.



Since then he's texted me saying he hates these boundaries and he wants to talk, ha I am not ready to talk yet.  So I responded and said dad, I love you, but now is not the time to talk.  So after that he left me alone for 2 weeks which was awesome, cause that's showing respect.  Then he tries to follow through with reading my resume and stuff like a year ago and contacts people finally and tries to get me to talk to him for a job ordeal thing, he doesn't even know what I'm doing, and I know he's just doing it to get around the boundary and using something that is pretty relevant to me right now, so he tried to text, call me, blah. So I finally called him after I got back from a vacation and said the boundary right now is we are not talking and so this is disrespecting my boundary, so please do not call me.  He didn't argue, and he said have a good day.  So I think he knows I'm serious! Haha!

I am, believe me, the last thing I wanted this to come to is this.  But God is showing me what respect looks like as well as maybe showing my dad what respecting a daughter looks like when he has several.  So as the first child, this has been an interesting experience, and HARD!

I miss talking with my dad, but the thing was, we didn't really have a relationship we had quick phone calls, bare minimum.  So it was heartbreaking, but God filled that void, and I think He wants me to fill all the voids I have with Him,  and so this was one of the steps I had to take.

So it just goes to show, God asks us to do hard things, even things we probably would have never thought of doing.  Ah so as I sit here, my life has been drama less, I see my 3 sisters, no one vents to me, besides bits and pieces from my mother, but my boundaries have made my life livable haha!



It's an adjustment, it makes my life boring, which is healthy actually, I'm just so used to hearing everyone vent that it is an adjustment! But God's holding me and teaching me a lot.  I'm doing ministry at my church, Operation Christmas Child and Operation Give Thanks! Using Social Work in Social Justice Sunday School Class.

I'm about to finish my last season at Kodak and Six Flags EVER!!! I'm ready! Haha! I think 5 summers there is quite enough! And I just got my next job at Target! I'm in the process of applying for a Masters in Social Work at UIC, and looking for Social Worky jobs if ya'll have any hints! Haha! It'd be helpful!

My life right now is me and God, and it's good, it's relaxing, and different, but He's teaching me a lot!



My life is a testimony if you give every single thing to God, He will bless you, and He will take the things away that hinder your life, the life He wants you to live!

As I stand here, graduated, working on my career stuff, working, ministry, and finding new friends, I am excited and praying about where God's about to take me, cause it's going to be a BIG SURPRISE! LOL!

I want to leave you with a verse! 2 actually!

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
1 Peter 2:9 

"But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." 
~ Romans 5:3-5

Just remember this, God has a plan for your life in the midst of mess.  He also will empower you to do things you can't do, He is your strength.  Stripping off the things that hold you back may hurt, but in the end, it will produce character, hope, perseverance!  With God, all things are possible!

God's got you, NEVER FORGET IT :D

Joy in waiting on God

This season has been one of the most interesting seasons of my life!

I'm now loving it!  I'm organizing Operation Christmas Child and Operation Give Thanks at our church! Along with developing my summer ministry Undone! Along with that I am running a Social Justice Class with my pastor's wife at my church and it is going well and I'm so passionate about that! 

I'm ending my summer job this weekend at Kodak as a Supervisor, and currently am interviewing this week at Target. 

I'm looking into getting my Masters Degree at UIC in Chicago in Social Work! 

I just came back from a vacation to Salt Lake City, Utah.  I actually tasted The Salt Lake, and my friends, it is saltier than an ocean.  From there one of my best friends Becca and her family, along with best friends from college, Kimmy, tripped to Idaho Falls! Around where my best friend got married to her husband who was also from our college.  It was a beautiful chance to reconnect with college friends, meet her family, and celebrate a joyous occasion!  It was a beautiful chance to celebrate life and reconnect with dear friends to my heart :) 

As I'm treading this water, I realize, I don't know what God will bring to this life.  But I have things to do right in front of me, like love on my sisters, love on my mother, grandparents, family, and treasure them! 

I have time right now to do things I love to do like sing, love on family, do ministries at my home church for around 18 years or more.  

I have a set of great friends, they may not be here in this moment right now all in my state, but I have them and can rest assured if I need someone to call, I have someone!  I have prayer warriors waiting for my request!  

So it's funny God's mystery of life is unfolding, but slowly as I wait on Him in patience.  

I'm planning trips to visit my best friends in Minneapolis, traveling, enjoying life, and seeking what God might do for my life! 

Right now me and two of my dear friends who are here with me, are starting a worship/prayer night to gather together, spend time, and focus on God in the midst of our lives!

As I sit here typing I know I am supposed to be here right now, and weird yes it is, it is where God wants me and I have peace in that.  

I cannot wait to see what God has for me in the future but I know now this is where I am and am content in that :) 

God Will Grant You The Desires Of Your Heart, Don't Lose Hope!

As I sit here, about 6 months after I've graduated from college, I am still looking for that job. One that will open up doors, starting off from wherever, but wanting to help people in social work.  If there is one thing I am learning now, it is patience.  With resume editing, internet job searching, it can get tiring, because it's all with technology, if you get interviews, it is awesome.  I have had a few interviews, which has boosted my hope :)

But as it turns out job hunting is a long haul.  So here I am, working on the weekends at my summer job, and weeks free.  Me and God are best friends.  There are not a lot of young people my age that I have met yet being back and not a ton in the church.  So my social life is lacking a lot, and after going to a private school where you knew everyone and could go hang out and have coffee with whoever, and have super close tight friends who were in leadership and following after God with everything, it's tough! LOL!

As I sit here, wondering where my next job is, where are my next group of friends, I know I'm supposed to be in Illinois, but sitting in my childhood home is not what I expected.  Let alone having a few good friends and kind of being a loner now.  But the truth is I am not alone, it's a me and God season.  I do have close friends, they are just scattered, but we have cell phones, skype, weddings, traveling, but still, at points its been tough!

So tonight I'm going to UIC in Chicago to hear about the application process and program, I'm hoping this might be it, the next adventure.  Truth be told, I have no idea.

As I was reading through devotions this morning Psalm 20:4 came into play, the passage that says God will grant you the desires of your heart.  So powerful, and it is true, God will grant me the desire of my heart.  When I first went to college, He led me to go to the school, He made it clear, as I went thinking about what I desire to do, I realized it was help people, well that's broad, but He showed me social work.  Then that's what I went for, I never changed it, questioned it, I knew it was.  So here I am done, with my Bachelors Degree, but it seems what I want to do, requires a Masters Degree.  So here we go on this journey tonight, as I gather with other possible people who are looking into this program.

But this has been a big waiting game.  Being faithful in the ministries in my church that I lead now, being faithful in the job I have currently, even when every last bit of me dislikes it greatly. Wanting to get a new job, move out, have new roomates, have a new adventure, meet new people, but here I am faithfully waiting.  At times it gets boring, and I feel lazy at points, cause I feel like I am doing nothing.  But I think all God wants us to do at points, and with everything, is give it all to Him and relying on Him for everything.

Also this summer there are some challenging family issues we dealt with, which resulted in setting restrictive boundaries with a family member in my life.  So as I go through that, learning how to trust God and look to Him to be my Father, I still have challenges I'm faced with.  Forgiveness, seeking God's wisdom, and trusting in God with everything :)

At this moment in my life, patience, faith, hope, perseverance, and God as my best friend is what I'm relying on.  God holds my world in His hand.  I have to rest in that blessed assurance.

What is better?

:D

Trust in the Lord, I wanted to encourage you in that today!

Redefining Purpose & What I Live For

A Love No One Will Know Without Accepting Jesus as their Saviour! 

As I write this I am thinking about my life, just graduated from college, looking for a job, it's given me some free time to ponder what life is about.  Rethink what I am doing with my life, etc.

Well one thing is my story, at a young age of 5, I gave my heart, GOT SAVED, whatever you want to call it.  What does that mean?  I gave my life, my heart, my soul to God, meaning I gave my life away to entrust it with the Creator of it all.  I believe, have a faith like no other, in Jesus, the son of God, that He died for my sins, and even though I can't see God, I have seen Him through my life, come through, prayer, through worship, through life's circumstances.  I am acknowledging as I did this back when I was 5, that I am a sinner, I am compelled to do bad things, to stray away from what will send me into destruction.  Well how do I know that at 5, I saw it through my father, I saw it through the destruction in my family.  So I at a young age, decided to go for something different.  It's crazy to think how smart you can be at 5 years old.

So since then I went through the baptizing, speaking in tongues, going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, going to conventions, camps, conferences, youth group, Missionettes, Sunday School, small groups, etc.  I've been in church my entire life!  But throughout that time, I believed in God, but was I awakened as a believer, I don't know.  Until I came up to a few rough spots in my life where I had to cut off a friendship, or two, and go through some painful moments in high school, that brought me to relent to God fully and He understood me, He also gave me a great mentor along the way!

So then that leaves me Senior Year of High School, was going to stay home, do what everyone at my high school usually did, go to community college, hang around the same places, but realize I had some hard friendship things over those 4 years, so I wanted to start a new.  So December, I pray, seek God, for the first time, I'm telling God I'll go wherever, just get me OUT OF HERE! LOL!

So funny story is, I never had the best GPA, I am smart, but I'm no overachiever.  So I applied to a Chicago State School and got rejected at the same time I was visiting the private Assemblies of God (Christian) University in Minneapolis, MN.  Well obviously it hurt to get rejected by a school.  But I found out the Monday after that Friday, that I got accepted to North Central University.

So funny thing is I knew one person there, who ended up leaving the school my first semester!  So I was there, new, knew no body.  None of my family is in Minnesota!  So I ended up fully giving my life to Christ, going to the Chapel most every day.  Hearing wisdom from tons of speakers, even as I sit here, I'm listening to a chapel service online.

So I grew with God so much, with education, financial, and relational aspects, there were trying times.  I got to really see God's heart in college, even to the point where I invested in the school as a leader and knew a lot of people, and invested into a lot of relationships.  To where my last year I got to shine God's light in the city with homeless individuals I served in my internship and working at the downtown Target.

To now, where I've come home, my childhood home, where things have remained the same for the most part, to where I have changed a lot and it didn't set in till' I stayed through the summer.  I have been faced with the past, or things that have been on pause, hidden, or not shown.  Family issues I had been out of because I would only see these people every break, holiday, etc.  So now I am faced with issues I hadn't solved, where I had to set healthy boundaries.  It's been great.

Not to mention, I am here in this season where every summer I worked hard core, like 60 hours a week then did 2 ministries, and volunteered, to where everything winds down and now I'm left with a weekend job, Friday-Sunday, and my ministries are paused or done till' next summer.  I've been going a little stir crazy!

But back to the point, my purpose is to be in love with God, to be loved by Him, and to share that love with others.  It's not in doing things, it's not in working! It's in being in love with my God and finding every piece of my identity in Him..

Meaning... My entire life is in His hands...
My financial status
My family
My friends
My church
My job
My purpose
My dreams
My life
My everything

And that's what it means to be saved, to live life with a kingdom focus, it's not on worldly possessions, it's not on popularity, it's about the end nearing and our mission is to get people to know the love of God!

Because until you or I knew God's love, we never really understood love, we saw it portrayed on tv, in love stories, in books, in broken relationships, whatever you may have seen, but true love can be portrayed in a marriage, but if you haven't seen that, God's love shows us true love, true love, it beckons deeply, it accepts you as you are, it challenges you, it accepts you at all moments, it wants you even in the hard times, it calls for respect, action, and it loves you wholeheartedly.  Man, this love is great, and I'm so happy to have this free time now to bask in God's presence, He has shown me things.

Don't get me wrong, I'm applying for jobs, I'm searching, volunteering in my church, working on developing a ministry with my Pastor's wife Lori, cause I may not be doing a ton or have a full time job right now, but God made me to be a doer, but I have taken a week or so of rest, but then yeah... LOL!

Just remember this remember that God loves you and I so much He saved us with His Son, if we believe and have faith we will be having eternal life and true love in a God who loves us so much :D

So redefining what I live for:
I live for Jesus Christ who saved me, and changed my life!
I live to strive for what is best, nothing less!
I live to save the world, being that the end days may or may not be near, I live for the kingdom, not mere worldy pleasure.
I live to strive high to set an example, to be a light unto others and be a leader among men and women!
I live to wait for marriage and wait for the right person God will bring into my life!
I live to do what is right in the eyes of God, not man, even if they don't understand.
I live to help others, and spread the love of Christ, to all, no matter what you are doing, we are all sinners, and I was saved so I'd love to share that with you as well.
I live to love, be loved, and spread God's name in a new manner, repainting God and Jesus to the world, because that is the purpose I was set here to do, material things gonna fade, but eternal life, Christ will forever reign : )

Also random story is this week I had a very low amount in my bank and was stretching a tiny bit of funds, and so I was not struggling, more like whew, gotta chill out on buying anything this week.  Today as I rearranged and cleaned a room in my house and found a check from my insurance company!  God is faithful, seriously!  God is faithful, don't forget it :D

Even God Rested

I have to laugh as this last week has been one of the hardest weeks.  It is the second week of me not having to work during the week since Six Flags is only open on the weekends.  I started going stir crazy on MONDAY. The first day of the week.  See I am a doer.  So this summer I had 2 ministries, plus another, plus work, and yeah my life was busy.  Now not only have I not gone back to school, but I don't have a group of friends I hang out with, I am working just on weekends, and my ministries are on a break.  Haha!
Needless...
to say, I'm going a little crazy.

But as I read an artist's status "Jaeson Ma" yesterday that made me realize something.

"You are in a time of transitioning into a new season, and the enemy is bringing a storm of confusion to get you to believe that you are going the wrong direction. You need to stay cool, calm and collected. Be quiet and do nothing apart from My leading, says the Lord. I am releasing a particular anointing to rest and wait for the moving of My Spirit."

Hebrews 4:9-10 There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His.

- Marsha Burns

God rested, haha biggest point!  As I laughed at myself I thought, yes, I get so busy at points I don't rest, I just keep going.  But God wants us to rest in Him.  My purpose is not in doing my ministries, my work, my stuff, but in God's call, in the end if all I have is God am I ok with that?  Haha well as of this week, I've been searching that.  I thought of it and laughed, God thanks for the rest, but I don't need it, I'm ready to go do something.  

But as I've done a lot this summer it is wonderful to have time to reflect and give everything to God, search what He has to say about everything and yet again surrender it to Him.  

I think at this place I am at, the job hunting, the unknown, the financial aspects, the friendships that are not in my life, etc.  I'm
              FREAKING OUT!!!

But here is this part where I am coming to and that is God is my whole life, my forever, today, yesterday and future! 

It's the freedom.  Knowing that my Father in heaven has the plan for me and He knows it.  So I have to trust, rest, and believe and remember He has me, my life, my friends, my family, my adventure, it's ready to go.  I have to be patient, wait, be faithful, and love Him, and He will bless me :) 

So in the meantime I am starting a photography business and writing music as a solo artist.  I'm using this time to enjoy life, and do things for God and trust in Him, but not to drive myself insane.  

God understands me, my personality.  He made me this way.  Haha! It's humorous.  

But I love God and He is testing me, and testing is ...testing! LOL!

I am trusting, I have started attending a young adult group, praying more, figuring out my life, which in the end always turns to returning it to God.  

It's a crazy time because I'm ready for the next adventure, I'm ready to move out of my childhood home, I'm ready to make money, live on my own, move back to the city, I mean is that so much to ask? LOL! But I have to be patient and wait on God and He will be faithful, and He knows exactly where He wants me, and I'm going to stay true to what HE's made me so far and will continue to make me into.  

I am Heather Cheryl Craig.
I love God.
I love coffee.
I love photography. 
I love music. 
I love friends.
I love meeting new people.
I love family.
I love my sisters.
I love adventure.
I LOVE MYSTERY 
(IRONIC with God's mystery He has me in right now) 
I love positive. 
I love trying new things.
I love living without control of my life because human control is nothing and has no power compared to a wonderful God who has you in the palm of His hand. 

I'll give ya'll an update next week ;) 

The Journey: Finding God in Every Season

Well here we go, the next chapter.  I recently graduated from North Central University with my Bachelors in Social Work and Minor in Biblical Studies.  4 years of my life dedicated to what God called me to.  Here I am now, Supervisor at my summer job at Six Flags, been there five years.  I am job hunting for social work jobs but it is  a hard time, and ya'll college graduates know what I'm talking about.  I finally got an interview, but not the right job.  God uses these times to test us, to see if we really fully rely on Him.

Well now it's rediscovering what being saved means and what God wants me to do.  I have not been doing nothing.  I've been doing a ministry called Undone, where we do worship nights out in the burbs' of Chicago and we invite all ages to attend.  God spoke at those events and it is so cool to see God develop my vision into a ministry that is growing.

I invest in my work relationships.  My ministry is wherever I go, I invite people to the outreach from my work.  The thing is I know God called me to love people, and to share with people the true love that He showed me.  We all have a duty to share and invest where we have a window, and God will direct you.  The thing is we want everyone to have the choice and know the true love of God.  In the end that is what my life is about.

I have ambition in my career and I am currently applying for jobs, but I know this life is temporary, and so I live for what God might have me do in this moment.

In the moment where I'm living in my childhood home, working in the same summer job, what might God be saying.  You aren't done here yet? Well that's not what I expected, ha, I told God send me wherever, but did I really mean that?

Did it mean to deal with the many family issues at home and figure out how to be the love in the midst of chaos.  Did it mean risking everything to stand for what is right, even if it means ending a relationship I've held onto for 22 years.

God asks us to do hard things, step out, get out of the comfort zone.  I am telling you this summer has been hard because I'm surrounded by people, including myself at points who stay in the comfort zone, but after breaking out of that, I never want to go back.

I don't want to be silent about God, loving Jesus, not a religion, a relationship with a direction called The Bible.

I crave wisdom and seeking it out through every circumstance.

I don't want to settle for what is less but God's call for my life in relationships, friendships, family, jobs, money, everything.

I don't want to let the things of this world control me, but let those go and be led by a God who can handle that in a way that is beneficial.

And here I am now, worshiping God, praising Him for giving me this life to live, because really if I didn't have Him, there's no purpose, I live to die, but He gives me a love.  Any human love you have experienced or see in those movies HAS NO comparison to love of God.

Being saved means a lot to me, it's what changed me, as a child, broken, my dad never present in my life, He became my father, with family dysfunction, the church became my family, because we are working to live for God and fight as a family, a team, not living for individualistic societal goals.  The thing is He made me into something, I wouldn't be the strong woman of God I am today without Him, leading worship would not be a part of my life, loving to help people, etc.  He made me into someone I could never be without Him.  I seek to be more and more like my God every day.  Not by being legalistic, but by seeking wisdom in the bible, praying and having a everyday relationship with God, being led by the Holy Spirit, when I gave my life to God when I was 4 years old, it took to now being where I am at with Christ.

Jesus died, for me, He gave me a chance to live for real.  I cannot waste that.  I have a love people crave in our society, but they seek temporary fixes in clubs, in relationships they settle for, in abusive friendships, relationships, in drinking, in drugs, in whatever they might feel like they are better with.  The thing is true wisdom from God brings true happiness and true love makes us whole.

That is my walk, I used to want to control things, but I have a God who I love who I give it all for, I give my life, my family, my friends, my relationships, my ministry, my degree, my money, my school.

Now it is time to use my ambition for the Lord and run after it with all I have.  As a 22 year old, this is my call, to seek God, listen for His voice, seek wisdom not what I selfishly desire, or my flesh cries out for, it is seeking the best and God's best, and that means disregarding what temptation might come.

So for now, this is my reflection on my life, until next time, we'll see where God takes me next :D